Thoughts from this crazy year I’ve had.

Processed with VSCO with g3 presetI rarely put really personal stuff on my blog, but I have a real itch to write and release some thoughts to world. Heck, I’m not even going to have my husband proofread. This past year. Man, this year. Other than my divorce, this year has shown me more change in myself than I ever thought possible. Highs and lows so dramatic I could physically feel my body vibrate at times. Personal and professional victories so exciting that sometimes I feel like I need to spend my days on my knees saying thank you, thank you, thank you (and of course why me) and loss and sadness that have made me want to walk outside with double birds in the air, also screaming why me, why me to the sky. Yet, while I say that I think… really? Have you seen the videos of Syria? Get the fuck over yourself. Such conflicting feels, more on that later. 

If I’ve learned anything over age and time though it’s that these times are usually opportunities. Not in a “everything happens for a reason” b.s. way, in a…if you want, you can make something and change right now kind of way. Up to you. So I dove in big time. I dug, and dug, and dug. I saw my therapist more, I hired a life coach who has dramatically changed the way I see the world, how I pray, and what I want, I had a channeling, I read tons of self help books, I meditated, I started seeing an acupuncturist, I even moved to Vermont for six weeks. No joke. And I’ve grown and changed so much sometimes I don’t even recognize the old me. Here’s what’s happened so far:

  1. I stopped believing that I have to sacrifice something good to have more good. The world does not have a scorecard of good and bad. The world just is. This is what freewill and being human is all about. 
  2. I can have amazing blessings and feel incredibly sad that there are people in the world suffering beyond what I can even comprehend. My daughter having a Doc McStuffins birthday cake doesn’t mean I’m taking away food from a child in Sudan. I can do what I can to help, and also enjoy my amazing blessings.
  3. I am worthy, you are worthy, we are all worthy of love, health, family, wealth and happiness. Every single one of us. And I will keep hoping and praying for that world everyday. 
  4. I checked out of what was happening in the world in a way I never want to again. I want to fight and be aware and open-minded in new and bold way. Oddly, I can thank the new administration for this one. 
  5. You can learn so much from the world and people around you when you stop and truly truly pay attention. From random foxes who appear to you on hikes, to songs that come on at just the right time, through meditation and by truly believing in love even when things are really painful.

That’s all I got. Thanks for reading:).